Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Single Girl’s Survival Guide: 8 Things Not To Do After A Breakup

Breakups are the worst. But, as someone who always looks on the bright side, I eagerly shared the perks of breaking up when I was getting used to the idea of being "on a break." Then with the help of my supportive friends, I typed my thoughts on what not to say to a friend during a breakup, because hey, some people (not my people, but some people) try to be comforting without realizing they're not helping. 
(Because who can't appreciate a GIF of LC)
So what else can you learn from my newly single lifestyle? The things NOT to do after a breakup, of course.

Pretend you’re fine. Cry. Start a journal (or blog). Surround yourself with friends who will listen to every little detail of the night he walked out, without judgment. Don’t have a mini breakdown at work, but give yourself moments in the bathroom to pull yourself together if something reminds you of him during office hours. Let yourself feel as much as you need to feel when home alone at night. It’s normal to feel angry, hurt or even humiliated. The loss you’re mourning is real.

Play his old voicemails. Don’t torture yourself by playing his messages from months ago. The man who said, “Hey, baby. It’s me. Just calling to say I love you and miss you” isn’t the same man who left you crying on the floor two months ago. Delete every single message.

Stalk him on social media. You don’t have to de-friend him, but hide him from your Facebook feed, so you’re not tempted to read every single comment on his posts, leaving you to wonder, “Who is that brunette with the big boobs who think’s he’s ‘SO funny?’”

Take it out on your body. We've all seen the cliché chick flicks with scenes capturing the heartbroken heroine inhaling a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. Let yourself indulge at first, but then be kind to your body. Get your ass to spin class, relax at yoga or take up a new routine like CrossFit. Might as well look hot in your skinny jeans for an extra confidence boost as a single woman on the town.

Communicate. I know, I know. I’m absolutely guilty of reaching out to my ex and responding to him when he’s felt like he missed me right back. We’ve all got thoughts we want to process when we feel like there wasn’t real closure, leading us to ask that one last question. On top of that, we’re used to texting, Gchatting and calling our ex constantly, so this new void feels pretty crappy. Contact him to get his stuff out of your apartment, but after you’ve severed ties regarding belongings, leases and pet custody, close the door on reaching out again. It’s really hard when you walk by your favorite restaurant from when you were a couple or you read a BuzzFeed listicle that you know he’ll appreciate, but you’ve got to resist the urge to reach out. Let your friends and family be your support system when you need someone who cares to listen.

Try to be “just friends.” He was your best friend – your potential life partner. Not just any old friend. Once you’ve ended your romantic relationship, you can’t be buddies, unless you’re ok with the idea of him dating other girls right in front of you. Even if he says he wants to be friends because he loves you, be clear if you prefer to move on separately before considering a friendship with him in the far future. 

Sleep with your ex. See more on that here.

Give up. He wasn’t The One. If he were, he would have stayed and worked things out no matter what, right? Continue taking care of yourself. Take time to refocus and pursue the things you’ve always loved to do. Spend time with loved ones. Learn what you can from the relationship that just ended - most importantly what you don’t want in your next relationship - and move forward. Be thankful that the wrong relationship ended to free you up for the right one.

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