Monday, August 19, 2013

Are You Really Supposed To Know If He’s “The One?”

Your best girlfriend says she knew her husband was “the one” when they shared their first kiss outside an East Village dive bar before hailing a cab on the night they met. The night they met?! Yes, she swears by it. He was different. She just felt something different. She knew she could spend the rest of her life with this stranger.

Ask any married couple and they can tell you the moment they know they had found the person they were destined to spend the rest of their days with. Maybe it was on their third date when they learned they were raised with the same religious beliefs and boarding school childhood. Or maybe it was two years in, after "taking a break", realizing they couldn’t live without each other. 

When you love your boyfriend, when you can check his qualities off every blog sharing “10 Ways To Tell He’s The One,” how do you actually know he is? Are you really supposed to feel something different if he’s your Mr. Right? Just because you’re in love, you tell him everything, you’re comfortable together and he makes you laugh, does that mean this is the guy you’re going to spend the rest of your life with?

For the past two years I've been in love with a man who's become my best friend. There were highs and lows, like any relationship, but at the end of even the toughest day, we always wanted to end it together. I could confidently say I was in love, but when friends asked if he was "the one," I always shrugged and just repeated that I loved him. I never wanted to jinx anything or to live in a storybook-ending fantasy before either of us were even financially ready for that type of commitment. 

Some couples may move in together after a few months of dating, while others are together for years and years until finally taking the leap into marriage. I've always believed you've got to follow your own timing depending on where you are in life. Career success and financial stability are important to consider in matters of the heart. Because in an expensive city like New York, you've got to be stable before you can walk down the aisle. 

As my twenty-ninth birthday is quickly approaching, somehow making things feel more serious by the mention of a simple number, our relationship has been faced with bumps and bruises. Do we need this "break," this time on our own to take care of ourselves, to find each other down the road as both emotionally stronger and happier people? Or are these types of separations meant to lead you down a different path, with another man?

Every couple is different. Plain and simple. You can't compare your heartbreaks, fights or dramas with your friends' relationships. Some couples need time apart to better themselves for a strong future together. Others know right off the bat that they've found their other half and can't imagine being without each other. But, either way, should a couple "just know" they've found their one and only at some point during their relationship? If you don't know, are you just wasting time with the wrong person?

I’ve been told, “if you don’t know if he’s the one, that’s your answer.” Do you agree? Or do you think sometimes it just takes time to grow to realize you’ve found your soulmate? xo

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