Is A “Break” Really A Breakup?

We’ve all heard a friend say, “He just needs some time to think about what he wants.” Or “We’re so crazy about each other, but we keep driving each other crazy.” These women simply explain that they’re “on a break” from their relationship to concentrate on what they both really want out of love. But, is this break period really just leading to a break up?

(Ross and Rachel had their share of breakups on Friends, credit: NBC)

Even some married couples go through a separation before ultimately having a stronger marriage or finalizing it with a divorce. For those of us who are still registered as a single person on our medical records, is taking a break from our significant other really something that will help us? Or do you believe you should just cut off all ties, cry for a solid week watching reality tv, and then move on?

I spent most of my twenties believing that there’s no difference between these types of breaks. That once you decide to go on a break, you’re eventually breaking up. But, as I’ve grown and experienced different relationships filled with both love and heartbreaks, I’ve come to realize that what each couple needs to survive is personal to that couple. 

Friends are the best resource for advice, but it’s important never to compare your relationship to theirs because each couple is truly different. Listening to my friends’ thoughts and observing their varied relationships have also shaped my view of a break versus a breakup. 

I have a girlfriend who has been on and off with her guy for years, finding their breaks to be helpful to get back together again. They’ve needed their time apart to find each other - and themselves. I also have a friend who has never separated from her man, but is known for public screaming matches and drunken arguments that would even embarrass a bartender who’s seen it all. Then there are my girlfriends with the “perfect” relationships. Those couples that never seem to disagree, have a healthy sex life, frequently fly off on vacations, workout together, cook meals for each other, and frankly seem like something out of a romantic comedy. Going on a break has helped some of my friends' relationships, yet others needed to end both their love and pain by cutting all ties and moving on without any communication.

Do you stand firm that a “break” is just a breakup? Or do you believe every couple has to follow their own rules during tough times? xo