Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Single Girl’s Survival Guide: Dateless at The Reception

As a self-proclaimed professional bridesmaid, I could give that bitch from 27 Dresses a run for her money.  After almost five years out of college, I’ve been a maid of honor, bridesmaid, and ceremony reader so many times, that by the time I hit thirty I could dress a group of high school girls for their prom with gowns from the back of my tiny East Village closet.  Of course I love my friends and I feel honored to stand up for each and every wedding.  They always have my blessing and best wishes for wonderful lives ahead with the man of their dreams.  But, as I have yet to find my Prince Charming, I usually attend weddings without a date.  There is no sense in bringing around my newest guy, who will be stuck alone at a table all night, while I attend to the bride, chat with her family, pose for photos, and catch up with my friends.  Here are my pros for being dateless as the reception:

1. You don’t have to worry if your date is having fun.  This night is all about you. Oh, and the bride and groom, of course.

2. Singing old sorority chants while doing shots won’t be embarrassing in front of the Ivy League hipster you’ve started dating.

3. You can feel free to flirt with the sexy groomsman you met years ago at the bride’s 21st birthday.

4. You can save money by sharing a hotel room with your girlfriends, not paying for your $50 Brazilian wax before the wedding weekend of festivities, and purchasing a less extravagant gift for the happy couple.

5. After the formal photos have been taken, you can rip off your Spanks because who cares how skinny you look as you down vodka sodas and dance the night away with your girls?

6. There’s no need to pick at your plate like an anorexic model to impress a superficial dude.  Tasting every single offering at the cocktail hour then proceeding to clean each plate of your five course dinner will feel glorious.

7. You won’t need to force a lame guy with two left feet to dance.  Spend hours on the dance floor with your crew.

8. During slow dances when couples are holding each other close, head to the bar to enjoy a shorter line to score your booze.

9. You’ll save yourself from embarrassment caused by the bride’s family if you introduced your new date.  You just know the bride’s mom and aunts would either call him by your ex’s name or question what happened to your college boyfriend, the perfect pre-med major and athlete who stole their hearts.

10. Now’s your chance to sleep with the bride’s hot older cousin, who’s been building homes in Haiti.  This one night stand won’t make you feel guilty as you’re just properly welcoming him back to the states.


What do you love about being dateless at a reception? xo

4 comments:

  1. Amazing!!!! I am going to be that single guy at a wedding this weekend.......I hope I find a lady with your attitude!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just love not having to babysit. THE. BEST.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You forgot to mention that it could be awkward to bring a date if you've "kissed" a few of the groomsmen. XOXOXO

    ReplyDelete

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